Drop The World
by drop the world
Summary: I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. I don't understand that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
1. Welcome, Eddie

_**I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.**_

**Rated M** for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.

I don't have a beta or someone to edit so please excuse any stupid mistakes.

I do not own Twilight and I'm not making money from this etc etc.

**AN:** I have an outline for around 30 chapters so far so this will be a looonnnng fic, if you guys dig it, that is.

I figure I might as well lay all my shit out for you right at the get go, that way you don't expect me to go falling in love or being a hero. I think people should be honest with each other. My parents aren't with me so I'm trying to be better than them, you dig? Most of the time we scream at each other and sometimes my mother likes to throw things, especially when she is having one of her episodes. We're not rich like the Cullens so my dad works at the plant and as a truck driver sometimes when the bill collectors start banging on the door. He likes to run off to some bar to meet up with his buddies and since I can barely handle my mother I end up staying with my Aunt and Uncle (I swear to God they never seem to get older).

Okay, they aren't really related to me but I like to pretend they are so there is a shred of decency attached to our family name. Esme is my mother's best friend and I think my aunt is the only reason she hasn't offed herself. They're always taking in these foster kids. There's Alice who's a year younger than Bells and who is a major bitch to me and Emmett who's a year older. Uncle Carlisle is the head surgeon at the hospital and his wife works as an interior designer when she isn't reading to blind kids or some shit like that. They are like the poster people for saints but they never judge me, which I am grateful for. Not even after Emmett and I got sent to jail for breaking into the hospital to lift some pills. Which, I might add, is not really breaking in when you have a key that you stole from your uncle's desk, don't you think? Don't worry, that argument didn't work on Charlie either.

Today was like any other day. I was bored, I hated school and I was terrified for my life. Bella was driving because my mother insisted I could not walk today, like I usually do (not like she'd care if I froze to death anyway). So I actually obeyed and went to Bella's house because I wanted to avoid dealing with her screaming. I hate Bella's fucking crappy piece of ugly ass stringy-haired dog shit truck. The breaks are shoddy and the seatbelts are flimsy and it makes this scary grinding noise when she starts the engine. I swear, whenever Bella drives she hits every hidden patch of ice on purpose just to get a rise out of me. I need to start wearing diapers if this is gonna be a regular thing because one of these days she's gonna scare me so much I'm gonna piss my pants.

I have this thing about cars. I _hate_ them. I hate moving. I hate turning. I hate highways. I hate when someone else is driving and I hate when the car goes more than ten miles per hour. So you can imagine my fear when Bella is in the driver's seat, holding my life in her hands. It usually starts with her laughing evilly while swerving the car to hit a pothole and me screaming like a pussy for her to fucking stop it while trying not to cry like a wuss. And that, my friends, is how I get to school.

'Sides, getting rides from Bella meant actually going to school and school was not a part of my plans. My goal in life was to find a nice hot girl to fuck every night, have enough barbecue potato chips to last me until the end of the world and to always have Bella as my friend.

Honestly, why she puts up with me is a mystery. Actually, I am not even sure how I am allowed in her house or allowed to even talk to her since Charlie and I aren't really buddy-buddy. We're kinda like Bin Laden and Bush - don't really get along. He wants to hunt me down and kill me for God's sake! Anyways, I am like an automatic boy repellent so I think that's why he lets me hang around. No kid dares to even breathe around Bella in a semi-sexual way when I'm in the vicinity since I've taken it upon myself to make sure her heart never gets broken. And I am hella good at it. I spend my time at school warding off the drooling masses when she gives me the signal. I, on the other hand, go through girls like you're supposed to go through underwear. But I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I wear my favorite boxers a few days in a row... I'm a bonified ladies man, I will admit it proudly, and I like breaking da hearts when I can. And I am _always_ the heart breaker, never the heart broken. It happened to me once, when I was a newbish freshman in love with smokin' Marcy Cinclaire but we are not going back to my days of zit cream and velcro shoes. No...just....no.

Bella parked the car (I was pretty sure I had whiplash now) and Mike and his minions (Eric and Jessica) instantly pounced on us.

"Having a good morning, Bella?" Mike the bastard drawled in an attempt to sound suave.

"It's fine, Mike. Actually it's perfect. And you know what?"

"What?" He seemed especially eager, as if she was going to profess her love for him right there.

"Jasper and I fucked in the back of my truck before we came here and I think that just made this morning the best morning of my life."

It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face as Mike's expression fell from one of adoration to simmering hate. He glared at his shoes before a sly smile slowly formed.

"You and I could try that after school," he suggested. "I'd be more than happy to fill up your slots for best afternoon and evening and lunch break...and sunrise...and dinnertime...." he finished, raising his eyebrows. That little prick. Though, it does explain some things. I always knew Mike was a sex addict. I rolled my eyes and held back a growl as that parasite draped his arm around her shoulder and force a smile at Jessica who has had a crush on me since before I hit puberty. I'll admit that she was a nice fuck every once and a while but she was annoying as hell when she was not moaning under me. Tyler and I do our customary fist bump and he pulls me into a hug. A manly hug, mind you.

I know you're probably thinking that I put up this confident front when really I'm a pathetic overprotective bully with a hot girl who wont fuck me as practically a best friend and lame parents. Well ha! I have other friends. Well....friend. Tyler is my best _best_ friend. Yes, I know, I have been going on and on about Bella this and Bella that and I might come off as a jerk by not mentioning the guy that I grew up with but it wasn't intentional. See, all of this is new to you and you don't know any of us. Tyler was just always there and I never had to think about it which is why I didn't think to actually say Tyler is the reason I haven't run off to New York or mexico or offed myself or killed someone and got my ass sent upstate till I'm an ugly old geezer. This was usually the time I break away with Ty and go hide in the bathroom or the back of the library since sitting in a room listening to some old person tell us what we should know about life did not appeal to either of us.

I liked doing my own thing. I write. I know, surprising, right? Do I seem eloquent? Probably not. I like to shoot the shit and slap down some rhymes every once and a while and would slit my mother's throat for the chance to perform some slam poetry. But I didn't like how Mike was glued to Bella and the fact that she obviously was disgusted by it kept me rooted on the dreaded path to class. She gave me the signal, a finger to the nose, and I disengaged Jessica from my arm. In five seconds I had shoved Newton the fag away, wrapped my arm around my Bells and started walking her the rest of the way to class with Tyler jabbering away about a new rap album next to me. Mike didn't protest. I think he learned a little something from that time my fist took his face out on a date.

"Thank you. You're my knight in shining armor, you know that?" She said, ruffling my hair as we entered Biology. I snorted and patted down my curls, which were never fixed right.

"Remember, I am only coming to class because you need to be protected. Don't get any ideas and decide we are going to start studying or anything."

"I swear, on my life," she held up her hand seriously, "that I will never invite you to a study group. Though, I'll have you know," she said, grinning mischievously, "It would make a nice front for an orgy, don't you think?"

"Oh _hell yes_," I hear Tyler say from our seats in the back.

She kissed me on the cheek and had successfully stunned me into silence. Bella never talked about sex unless she was a) trying to get Mike to go away or b) lecturing me about the number of girls I had slept with that weekend (my record is seven). It was a ploy for then she tried to drag me down into the seat next to her but I would risk my favorite shirt getting ripped off my body before I sit in the front of the room. I escaped unscathed and slunk to my usually seat in the back with the chipped table and microscope with an infinitely dim light. Mike Newton had the balls to actually stare at her as soon as he sat down and I knew it was just some innocent puppy love but as soon as he glanced my way I glared and he didn't look at her again the rest of the class period.

"Hey, you wanna come with me to Seattle next Friday? There's this big poetry gig goin' on at Twilight." Tyler said from my right, mentioning our favorite joint for beat and slam poetry readings. It was a long ass drive but so worth it. We'd skip class, get there just in time for the show, crash at Tyler's older brother's apartment and head back on Sunday. Bella wouldn't be invited. It was our thing. Just the two of us.

"Fuck yes." My excitement left as soon as it arrived and I frowned and picked at the desk, "Well...I have to ask my mom, though. She's having a rough week. The episodes are getting worse." I hated talking about my mother and her freak outs and Tyler knew better than to push it.

As long as I can remember my mom has been screwed up in the head. Our insurance, when we have it that is, wouldn't cover the treatment I know she needs. To be honest, she should be in a loony bin but every few years there would be a long stretch of sanity and I'd think she was finally better. Before she did something stupid again and the cops threaten to take me away if she doesn't see some state appointed shrink for a few weeks and pretend she isn't a psycho before they let her loose. I'm sure that's why my dad took that truck driving gig. He would be gone for weeks at a time to get away from her. Of course that left me to deal with it. Alone.

Unbeknownst to me, the teacher had assigned some stupid project and we were supposed to be partnered up. I didn't even realize it but Tyler had totally ditched me while I was dancing around alone at my own mental pity party and was sitting next to angela, his arm draped casually over her shoulder. I could tell that he had switched on what we called his Sexy Man mode and was flirting with her. Angela was a nice girl and she was super shy but she'd poke her head out of her shell every once and a while when Tyler came around. Bella was motioning to me to come sit up in the front with her and she wouldn't stop until I stood up and dragged my ass across the room.

"Angela, honey. How many times do I have to say that you look beautiful with your glasses?"

I heard Tyler as I walked by, shaking my head. What a player.

Next to Bella, I felt exposed up in the front. I was cold. It was too bright here. But hey, the table was nice, there was actual equipment and the microscope worked.

"Hello, Swan."

"Good morning, Whitlock. Have you been behaving yourself back there?"

"Yes ma'am. No masturbating today. I swear."

She snorted just as the door opened and I suddenly become interested in cells and start poking at a slide. It was always best to not initiate eye contact when some goody two shoes hall monitor brought a note from the head honcho. Ten out of ten times its for me. Principal Graves hated me. Probably because I was always getting into fights. And not to forget the fact that I know a thing or two about what happened to Grave's missing pet hamster. I bet last Thursday's school meatloaf jamboree surprise was insanely delicious since I can assure you there was real meat in it this time, if you get what I mean.

"Guys," Mrs. Ademson started, in an attempt to be cool and 'relate to us'. If you ask me, teachers would relate better if they stopped using slang and converted back to practices from the olden days. Starting with paddling us again if we got out of line. I mean, can you imagine how awesome it would be to get spanked by Mrs. Amazing Boobs Ademson in front of everyone? Well I can, and I usually do, but I don't think you wanna know what I do when I'm bored in the shower. "We have a new student. His name is...."

"Edward...."

My eyes snap up. Well damn. Silky smooth voice, no nervousness. Hmmm. Interrupted the teacher. He had done this before. Kinda arrogant. He was definitely going to be a threat. It was also strange that he was staring at me. Not just staring at me but _staring_ at me. I mean, I like to think I'm good looking but I dont think I'm _that_ hot. Besides, he looked like he screwed girls; definitely a _straight_ arrow. After his first name I stopped listening. New kid at Forks High usually meant lots of fun for me but this one was different. This one kinda scared me and baby, I don't scare easy.

"Go ahead, sit anywhere you want. I'm sorry, everyone's already partnered up so it'll be a little cramped."

"It's no problem," the new jail-bait said politely, his eyes still glued to my face. Made my skin crawl. I could see his jaw working and I wonder if I had screwed his sister and knocked her up or something.

Bella was all google eyed and practically shoved me over to make room for the new Fork's eye candy. This month we have a nice sweet Edward. He comes in three flavors: sour, bitter and white chocolate. He also is packaged with pheromones and smoldering eyes that make girls have auto orgasms from just one tiny glance. But wait! There's more! If you order now we'll add a special surprise: crack open his chest and there's marshmallow!

He dragged over a stool from against the wall and sat down between us. Damn, I hated when nut jobs got crushes on Bella. Or by the looks of it, when Bella got crushes on nutjobs. I pretended I was blind, deaf and invisible as Bella rambled on to him for the rest of the class period, leaving me to muddle through the assignment (yes, I was actually trying school work. I know what you are thinking and shut the fuck up). Seriously, does the guy need to know her father's a cop and her favorite color is purple after knowing her for less than thirty minutes? He looked like a total creeper and he seemed really uptight. Its _Forks_, man, the chances of anything exciting happening or someone trying to cap your ass is slim to none, I should know, I've lived here for seventeen fucking years so this dude needed to chill out. Edward just sat there and took it, which was surprising.

"You should hang out with us sometime. I moved here a couple of years ago and it was hard to make friends at first," finally, she looked at me. "Oh, and this is Jasper. He is unfortunately my friend. Jasper, this is Edward Cullen."

My eyebrows shot up at the mention of my Aunt and Uncle's last name. God another one? Seriously? I still was recovering from meeting Emmett for the first time. My ribs never healed right after that. I chuckle at the way her voice changes when she says his name. She's just screaming: O_h Edward, fuck me please. Fuck me on this lab table while I scream the phases of cell reproduction (in order). Ohhh Edward._ I shake my head disapprovingly and look him up and down. brown hair, dark eyes, face pale as my ass (my mom doesn't like when I sunbathe naked in the front yard).

"Nice to meet you," he said. No, excuse me, he _snarled_.

I grunted in response and shifted on the stool (my ass was going numb). It disturbed me that he was angry at me and I hadn't even said anything yet. And I mean he was pissed, angry, _ticked_. I'll be honest, my heart kinda skipped a beat since despite my bad ass persona I don't like getting the shit beat out of me and especially for no reason. Maybe he would be harder to keep away from Bella than I thought. I grinned as he just glared at me and could see Bella rolling her eyes and most likely silently praying I wasn't going to be a douche. We'll, praying never got me that threesome with Angelena Jolie and Natalie Portman so it sure as hell wasn't gonna control me.

"Oh. Hot. D_amn_," I purred, wiggling my eyebrows.

I choked back a laugh as Bella slapped her hand on her forehead, face red as a tomato. I ignored him completely and the chills down my spine from his creepy murderer glare. My heartbreaker vendetta "Operation Destroy Douchebag Players" (all players minus Ty and I, of course) usually worked better if I don't have personal contact with the victims.

"New fuck toy walks in and you forget all about your best friend. You should tell him I'm fucking pyscho and if he tries to get into your pants I will kick his ass."

I stood up and would have gathered my books it I had them and walked out, the bell ringing annoyingly along with an irritated teacher's voice crying "Mr. Whitlock" just as the door closed behind me.

Welcome to forks, Eddie boy; home of rain and epic failure. It's fan-fucking-tastic so please enjoy your stay.

AN: want morrrre? review please! =]

how else will i know if you love it or hate it?

are they vampire or are they human? hmmm who knows? mwhahaha.


	2. La casa de Cullens

_**I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.**_

**Rated M** for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.

A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight anything. ;___;

Thank you to ToxicValentine for being the best beta ever! And thanks for the reviews. =D

Beta means changes like from past to present tense. I'm gonna be changing the first chapter but I thought you'd like an update instead of a revised chapter. XD

This one is a little short but be prepared for epic longness in chapters 3 (which I have already started) and 4. =]

Faster update? Like in less than a week? Review and we'll see. Oh yes, I know I'm bad. ;D

**0 0 0**

Bella slams her lunch on the table and then reaches down and pinches me on the thigh, dangerously close to the goods. As you can probably already tell, I am all for girls touching me down there but I'm not really into kinky bondage shit so this is a definite dislike.

"Bella what the fuck?!" I squeal, moving my hands to protect Lil Jazzy because I know he will be the next victim. Most of the time Bella is on my side, no matter what crazy, stupid thing I do. Like setting a fire in the girl's locker room so the sprinklers went off - I didn't really plan for them to go off in the _entire_ school building, I swear - and we had an unwanted, yet amazing, wet t-shirt contest as they ran outside. Or convincing her to smoke some weed which made her horrendously sick. And then there's me constantly verbally tormenting her car - my favorite is "when someone presses your goddamn break that means stop you stupid metal bitch!" - and so forth. Therefore, I am confused since I have not done anything major this week. Yet.

"You fucking scared him away you stupid dumb-ass." I blink and frown. Who's _he_? Is she talking about Mike? (Since he is really the only guy I mess with). Please God don't let her _like_ Mike, now. Seriously, we can never get along. He'll never like me after all those times I hit him (in the face) and shoved him and put ants in his jock strap. I will probably end up stealing on of Charlie's guns and shooting him before he was ever Bella's official BF.

"Who?" I ask timidly, afraid of the name that is to come.

"Edward!"

There is a moment here, dear ladies and gentleman, where Jasper Whitlock is officially speechless for the first time in seventeen years.

"What?" _What? _The guy I talked to for like less than thirty seconds? The guy who looked like _he_ wanted to kill _me_? Despite my swollen ego, even I don't think I could actually frighten another guy with a few sentences of half-ass insults. Maybe it was because I called him a fuck toy.

Tyler is just as confused as I am. Usually they kick me in the balls _before_ they run away. "The new kid? The one you were lusting after?"

"I never finished that assignment, by the way," I remind her, stuffing my mouth with chips courtesy of her lunch bag.

She glares at us both but I'm the only one who has to endure a punch to the shoulder because Tyler escapes the physical pain since she can't reach. Tomorrow I'm sitting next to Jessica, or in her lap - I haven't decided yet.

"Yes, after Biology I saw him running into the woods. Now it's lunch and he hasn't come back. He skipped Gym, Cal and American History." Woah. Wait _what?_ It disturbs me that Bella knows his schedule already, more than the fact that he was _running_ away. I still don't even know my own schedule and school started a month ago. If I were him, and every girl in Forks was horny and throwing herself at me I'd run awa- No wait. No I wouldn't.

"Huh? Seriously?"

"Yes! And it's all your fault!" She is too fast and has my nipple through my shirt before I know it. And twists. Hard.

"Ow! FUCK BELLA stop it!"

"I hate you!"

Tyler laughs, "What did you say to him?" He seems to be thoroughly enjoying my pain and he _always_ thinks everything is my fault - and he is right 99.98% of the time.

"Nothing." I can't help it - default Jasper always lies to cover his ass.

"He said he'd 'kick his ass if he tried to get into my pants'." I glare at her. Gee, thanks Bella for sticking up for me. Next time Mike corners you don't expect me to keep that slime-ball from shoving his hands up your shirt. She waves her water bottle in my face and growls, "You're supposed to protect me from Mike, not a hot new guy who by some miracle picks me as his lab partner!"

"How do you know he picked you? I was sitting there too, you know," I grumble, rubbing at my throbbing chest - thank God I never got that nipple ring. There is this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something that I never felt before. Oh yes, _guilt_. I didn't mean to make him cry or anything. I was joking for God's sake! Well, I am serious about the ass kicking part. And anyway, any kid who skips school because one jerk is rude to him is a pathetic wuss if you ask me. Bella attacks her food and the table falls silent for a few minutes - if you could ignore Tyler whispering dirty things to Angela, that is.

Jessica broke the tension since, like always, she has something pointless to say.

"My mom is driving me up to UW this weekend to do a tour of the campus, you guys wanna come?" Bella is nodding eagerly, seemingly no longer interested in murdering me and Tyler and I look at each other, a silent '_hell no_' hanging in the air between us. The only reason I'll go is if there's sex involved. If Jessica's mother wasn't tagging along, I'll jump at the chance because Bella could drive the car while Jess and I make out in the back seat. All of a sudden I am very interested in college and the sexy co-eds who I am sure will flock to Casanova Jasper Whitlock like maggots to a carcass.

I can't really afford college just like the US economy can't afford another failure (oooohh burn). No really. And I have a really low chance of getting in since my grades are barely average, I have a rap sheet the length of Alice's planned wedding dress train and I have no clue what sort of use I can be to the world. Unless we need someone to test the sexual stamina of supermodels or see how many chips they can eat before they puke. I cringe every time Jessica goes on and on about how cheap UW is. You know what I could buy with tuition money? A FUCKING HOUSE DUDE. Well, a crappy house. But hey, at least I will be paying for a _thing_ instead of a a piece of _paper_ that will probably _not_ get you a job. My mom doesn't like giving me lunch money, how am I going to convince her to give me thousands of dollars when we all know I'll just fuck up and get kicked out?

I once had a talk with Carlisle about my "future". Before we talked he assured me that when he said future, he did not mean what girl I would target this weekend for 'study time'.

_We were walking around on the Cullen Estate because Carlisle is all into this nature shit and likes looking at birds and dragging me along. Despite the fact that I hate outside and it was freezing and drippy and gross, I went anyway. He was having a bad day since a few kids had died in this huge school bus accident and he was upset he couldn't save them. I like Carlisle and me time, something I don't really do with my dad. I think Carlisle likes it 'cause he's stuck with the spawn of the devil, Alice. A guy's gotta talk to someone sane every once and a while, right?_

_Somehow we got on the subject of college. And believe me, I didn't bring it up on purpose. _

_"I can't afford it, Carlisle."_

_"Jasper, I've known you since you were a baby," he started laughing, "Since your wittle willy was this big," he said, pointing to his pinky finger. _

_"Carlisle!!" I did a U-turn and started back to the house while he was laughing at his stupid little embarrassing as hell joke. He grabbed me by the hood and choked out a quick sorry in-between laughs. I huffed and pouted for a little while but kept walking with him. Carlisle had actually delivered me since my mother was Esme's best friend and had been over at their house when she had gone into labor. He was a scared kid, fresh out of med school, with only a few days in the OBGYN unit during rotations as a guide. Man, I could have gotten strangled by my own umbilical chord because of a newb! Then all women would be deprived of this. And let me tell you, it's much much much bigger than a pinky finger now. _

_"And right when you came out, you know what I thought?"_

_"No," I lied, even though I had memorized his whole spiel._

_"I thought that I would always be there for you and your mother. You know, money is not a problem for us. I guess now you're old enough for me to tell you that Esme and I set up a college fund for you a few days after you were born."_

_"Wha-?"_

_"Your mother resisted, of course. I think that's where you got your stubbornness from. But she hadn't married your father yet and didn't have a job. Esme and I had just got married and came into some money after her mother died so we decided to put it away for a good cause." He put his hand on my shoulder and I was torn between feeling thankful and embarrassed. _

_"Last time I checked, there wa__s__ around a hundred thousand dollars..."_

_"What! Carlisle no, I can't take that. I can get a job or something or...."_

_He had this look on his face. The 'don't fucking try to say no to me because __I__ have already made up my mind that you will be taking this money' face._

_"So don't think college is not an option Jasper."_

"I think Yale's an option, Jasper...." She snaps her fingers in front of my face and her voice breaks through my thoughts, "Hey, are you listening to me? Oh! That reminds me."

She hands me a stack of applications and brochures and I want to start laughing but smart Jasper keeps his mouth shut.

"I did all the research for you. They all have really good English programs and they're the same places I'm applying to so maybe we can stick together." Bella has a hopeful look on her face. The last time she had tried this I screamed some bull shit I had learned from the poetry addicts up in Seattle about how college was constraining and yadda yadda at her and didn't talk to her for a week.

"Thanks, Bella." I'm embarrassed she is doing this in front of everyone. We're only juniors but everyone had been bitten by the college bug already while a denial mosquito ate up my ass. Graduation wasn't coming up. It couldn't be. I wanted to stay a junior forever - fuck the senior girls, party on the weekends and copy Bella's homework on Sundays. I don't want responsibility or a degree and tuition payments. And I most certainly don't want to be a grown up.

**0 0 0**

After a week with no Edward, Bella got fed up and forced me to go apologize to him. I never agreed to it but she was driving me home, well supposed to be anyway, and just took me to the Cullen's house instead, shoved me out of her truck and drove off. Their house is a good ten miles away from mine so I had no choice but to go inside and hope Esme would give me a ride later. Fortunately, the door opens before I'm even in front of it.

"Jasper!" Esme has me in a bone crushing, sweet smelling, amazing hug as soon as I step inside.

"I just came to talk to Edward. We're in the same Biology class and he's been gone..."

She got a strange look on her face, as if she knew something that I didn't and maybe thought that I knew it too. "He's having some trouble adjusting. Would you like to stay for dinner?" Good move. Change the subject to food. Jasper is officially distracted. I hesitate and she takes that moment to make the offer irresistible. "I'm making your favorite, lasagna with lots and lots of ricotta." All I can manage is a dopey grin because she knows and I know that I will not say no to her lasagna, not even for a chance to see Megan Fox naked. "Be down by 6, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She is always nice to me and she is always on my side when I get in trouble and Carlisle wants to tell my parents. I know it's a really shitty thing to say but most of the time I wish Esme was my mom. _She_ was the one who came to school when I got sent to the principal and she made me food and gave me girl advice. Isn't she really already my mother?

As soon as I get to the top of the stairs, _the spawn of the devil_ moves in for the kill.

"Oh look, it's the self proclaimed man-whore of Fork's High. Did you come here to rape me and add me to your list of conquests?"

I hate Alice. And I think she hates me. But she did try to kiss me last year so I am confused about our status. Most of the time she just insults or hits me. It hadn't really gotten bad until a few weeks ago when she suddenly turned into a major bitchy Cruella de Ville. And I promise I hadn't done anything to her - this time. Alice is weird. She likes dressing all girly but she has this dark side where she says she can "predict the future" and all that witchcraft mumbo jumbo. Of course she only likes saying the bad things like someone's gonna get crushed by a bus or someone's gonna microwave a baby.

I won't put up with a lowly sophomore spreading rumors about me and that's why we fight all the time. Alice went so far as to say I was gonna make out with Mike Newton of all people! Can I please get a big fucking oh hells to the fucking no on that? I mean, I am all for the pride. Yay for being gay! Hooray for butt sex! But _me_ kissing a _guy_ is like Obama making out with his grandma. No, just no.

"Sorry, Alice. You're not pretty enough. I actually came to see Edward. He's more my type."

Something just snaps. She is angry. Did she just fucking _growl_? I am scared she is going to actually really hurt me and I open my big mouth to say sorry when she lets out a frustrated sigh, shoves me out of the way, and goes into her room, slamming the door so hard the frame shakes.

I knock on his bedroom door and suddenly feel kinda nervous. What if he made friends with Emmett and that bear is waiting for me behind the door ready to rip my throat out with his bare hands? I think the only thing that can slow him down is an elephant, and even then I'd bet my money on Emmett to win. Or what if he had a fucking knife? This would not be the first time one of the Cullen's kids turned out to be a psycho and they had to take them back. I can barely stand to think about Victoria who 'accidently' broke my leg when I was twelve by shoving me down the basement stairs. She then locked the door and I was stuck down there for an entire day before Carlisle found me.

"Um....Edward? It's uh...me...Jasper. Um. Bella's friend."

I can hear him shuffling around. He is probably loading his weapon. I wouldn't mind getting shot, to be honest. That is a badass way to go.

"I just wanted to talk to you about last week...."

Still nothing. Oh well, I can tell Bella I tried and it failed and Edward is definitely off in the head. I am used to her forming a nearly stalker-like obsession with weird boys. She had a crush on that Jacob Black kid, which could be considered pedophilia since he is way younger than us. He kept going on about being a wolf when we got him drunk on homecoming. And then there's Mike. He wouldn't be all over her if she hadn't made out with him last Halloween. Apparently to him, she is in love with him and is too scared to admit it even though she was so shit-faced drunk I had to peel her off of him and ended up carrying her on my back to her house. I had to sneak past Charlie who was waiting in the living room with a beer and his gun. She still owes me for that.

The door swings open and nearly hits me in the face. There is a snarl, cold fingers grip the font of my shirt and yank me forward into the room where I stop suddenly completely terrified three inches away from Edward's furious face.

Oh fuck my life.

A/N: ILY so review!

Coming up: Charlie's sex life, a closet door breaks, Jasper's thoughts about boobies.

(oh lawrd what on earth does she mean by that? ;D)


	3. Fine okay I'm gay!

_**I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.**_

**Rated M** for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.

**A/N:** if there is a a (number) next to something that means there's a link in my profile.

Things are starting to get a little complicated so I am working on a huge ass character map/family tree thing that will show all the relationships and secret stuff and whatnot. I'll be posting that a few...dozen chapters in.

THANKS TO MY AWESOME BETA.

**0 0 0**

He closes the door with his free hand and lets me go almost immediately. I think it's safe to say that I nearly shit my pants.

"Sorry, I was just putting on a show for Alice. She hates you and I don't want to be her next victim so..."

"A-Alice?" I feel like my heart's gonna explode 'cause I thought, know you, he was going to _kill_ me! Edward is deadly. My motto is: it's the quiet ones you have to worry about. The trash talkers like me are really wimps when we're not running our mouths. The only reason I can get away with it with Mike is 'cause he's scared of me. If he grabbed Sam or one of his buddies and tag-teamed me, I'd go down like a screaming girl.

"She was spying on us from her bedroom door. Didn't you notice?" I lean against the wall and take a deep breath. It's kinda funny. I'm so used to doing the ass kicking and yet I can't handle Edward grabbing my shirt? He is hovering in the middle of the room, peering at me curiously. "Are you okay?"

I shrug and try to act like I wasn't just scared shitless a minute ago. "I-I just need to catch my breath...for a sec...." He gives me a few seconds, staring at me with that creepy half smile.

"Why are you here?" I think there was something hopeful in his voice. Maybe he thought I came here to beat him up and obviously changed my mind.

"Bella ditched me. She wants me to apologize to you."

"Why?"

"Well, you haven't been in school and Bella thought I scared you away or something. She saw you bolt into the woods..."

He gets this curious look on his face and then frowns.

"What did she say exactly? Did she see anything?" Uh what? Now that I think about it more....What would I be doing out in the woods during school? The bathrooms aren't really private and the janitor's closets are always locked (believe me, I try). I bet he was out in the woods fapping. Maybe the poor guy just couldn't hold his load with all the female sexual tension aimed at him. No matter, I do not want to know, or need to know, anything about the ummm _business_ Edward has to take care of.

"No...? I don't think so...I mean, that would be kinda creepy..."

He grins and I swear I hear a sigh of relief. "No. You just reminded me of someone I know. He helped me out a lot and his family has abandoned him.... "

"Oh..." Okay, this is getting creepy. From the look on his face, Edward knows that I know what he's talking about. Is that a smug grin on his ugly ass face? I think now's a good time to go downstairs and help Esme with whatever women do in the kitchen. Hell, I'll even go and talk to Alice to avoid what I know is coming. "So yeah I'm gonna just-"

"Do you know a guy named James?"

The room is suddenly excruciatingly quiet and I'm holding my breath pretending I didn't hear him right but he had this accusing look in his eyes.

I'm trapped so here goes nothing. I have a brother named James, he's way older than me. Four years ago he got arrested and went on trial for the murders and disappearances of seven girls in the Port Angeles. But there wasn't any evidence so he ended up behind found guilty for only one count of assault with a deadly weapon. My parents made me sit through the whole trial with them and my Mom's illness got really bad, especially when this girl testified and half her face was mangled. It reminded her of Emily and she freaked out and they had to call a recess and take her to the hospital. I even testified and the prosecutor said that could have been what got James sentenced to five years in jail. He only served two, though, and ever since he was released I made up stories about how he died in a car accident so people don't ask me about him. I like to pretend that it never happened but of course Edward the douche has to bring it up.

I think I nod.

"James Whitlock? He is a friend of mine and he was always talking about his little brother, Jasper."

James is the Joker and I'm Batman, I _helped_ them put him in jail...I never visited him and my parents don't even mention him anymore so it's as if he never existed. I visited him once right after sentencing and he told me to go away and never talk to him again because he was a monster so I haven't seen him since. I'm jealous that Edward spends time with James. But he's been out for like two years now so he could have come home, even though I probably wouldn't talk to him. It's easier to hate him. Maybe that's why I fight. I can't feel the burning pain in my chest over the rush of adrenaline and stinging fists

"He would like that you'd give him a chance to explain-"

"We have a phone at home. He could call if he wanted to talk to me." My voice sounds nastier than I intend. "He's a murderer, Edward. He killed seven girls!"

"He was found guilty of _assault_."

"Because they didn't have enough evidence. Or all of the bodies. No victims to fucking testify because they're all _dead_!"

"There is more to it-"

"I saw him with one of the girls before she vanished! I knew her. How do you know him anyway?"

"I met him after he was released. Carlisle suggested-"

"What?_ Carlisle is in on this? _What the fuck?" I was tired of them doing shit behind my back. First college and now talking with my murderer brother? Why is he even still in touch with James, anyway? He told my mother that he was sorry about James and would do whatever he could to help _us_. This wasn't helping. At all.

"He suggested that he could....help me with some things."

"Help you with what? Raping girls?"

"I would be happy to talk to you about it when you're not being a jackass," he snaps. After a few moments of us glaring at each other he sighs and walks to his bed. He digs in a bag and I suddenly realize everything except for his books are still in boxes and there was stuff all over the bed. He has been here for at least a week and a half and he still hasn't unpacked? "He wanted me to give this to you."

I am trying my best to seem intimidating but it doesn't seem to be working. I channel my 'bad cop' persona, cross my arms and glare accusingly. "How would he know you were coming here?"

"I've known Carlisle and Esme for a long time. It wasn't a hard choice to decide to come live with them."

"I don't want it."

"Just take it."

"I. Don't. Want. It." I put my hands on my hips and ignore him as he holds out the envelope to me. I see his hand is shaking and I remember what I thought earlier about him being psycho and I realize I'm alone with an unstable guy who is friends with a _murderer_. That black suitcase in the corner looks like it could hold a shotgun so maybe I should play along...

"Stop acting like a child. You don't even have to read it."

"Fine." I snatch it from him. "You are _so_ fucking annoying. You're telling Bella on Monday that I said sorry _and_ you're eating lunch with us." Now I sound like a five year old. _Way to go, Jazz. You totally told him who's boss, now drink the rest of your juice box and let's try potty training again. _

"I think I can manage that, Mr. Whitlock."

I snort, crumpling up the envelope and shove it into my pocket. That's when I see _it_. The entire room is like a library and there is a huge ass bookcase all the way up to the ceiling filled with books. Want. Me want bad. Even though mine is better, of course. You can't walk three feet into my room without running into a pile of books or some of my old poetry journals or a bazillion scraps of paper. I am hardcore, man. When I said I wrote poetry, I fucking meant it, homie. I am so drooling over his books and he notices, unfortunately.

"You can borrow something if you want." It was a peace offering and I was going to say no but I couldn't help it!

"Oh, well maybe," I say, trying to sound disinterested when the little Jasper in my head is squealing like he's suddenly grown a pussy. I settle on Ginsberg (1) even though I've read all his shit a million times. I guess Edward likes this cause it gives me an excuse to talk to him again so he can try his creepy James' cult magic on me again, even though Esme's cooking is more than enough to get me living at the Cullen's house. Edward is _so_ weird.

I decide not to stay for dinner just 'cause I don't think I can stand being at the same table with Alice _and_ Edward. Esme makes me bring leftovers and gives me a ride home. When I see my house I almost cry because I wanna stay with Esme and Carlisle forever - minus Alice.

My dad's getting into his truck when Esme pulls away and I take a deep breath and put on a fake smile as I peer into the car. "You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, I gotta get this shipment down to Houston." He closes the door and pulls on his seatbelt. I notice his hair is getting gray at the temples and it just reminds me that next year I'm gonna be an adult. "And then I'm gonna try to pick up a leg to North Carolina. Rick's still recovering and I think I can snag his route." Uncle Rick (every adult other than my parents get stuck with the uncle or aunt label) got hurt over at the truck stop a few days ago. My dad says its like sharks in guppy infested waters when a route opens up. I just kinda wished he could work somewhere here at home so I won't forget what he looks like.

"Is mom okay?"

"She's acting a little weird, tryin' to make dinner." I make a face and he laughs and pulls out of the driveway. Mom's dinners are like bowls of rancid acid with little bits of meat in it. Once again I'm thankful Esme feeds me, otherwise I'd have starved to death by now. I put the leftovers on my dresser and shove James' note in my nightstand before I go and find my mom.

"Hey, Mom?"

She's standing in the kitchen with her back to me, humming quietly. If it didn't look like a tsunami had raped our kitchen I would say it was a nice little moment. All of the pots we owned were either on the floor or in the sink, caked with unknown substances. There's some sort of sticky residue on the island and my mom has powder all over her hair.

When she isn't having one of her episodes my mother is beautiful. She's really from La Push and, unfortunately, I got the uber pale blonde nazi look from my dad while she has long black hair, tanned skin and big brown eyes. I think she could be a supermodel and whenever I tell her that she laughs and tells me not to lie (but I know secretly she likes it). My family life is complicated so take a deep breath 'cause I'm about to bitch slap your brain with some crazy ass soap opera shit.

My mom is an Quileute and her brother is Joshua Uley so that makes Sam the bastard my cousin. She used to work at a diner or somewhere in Forks and that's how she met my dad. A little while after that, she started doing her weird loony stuff but my dad still loved her so they had me and then they got married. Two years ago my dad confessed that he had slept with Sue Clearwater before he and my mom got married but after I was born (that jackass) and when James was five, and that Leah was actually our half little sister. He only spilled the beans because she had a scare with cancer and might have needed relatives to test for donating something. She miraculously got better though and that's when my Dad started driving trucks and now my Mom goes to The Rez all the time because for some odd reason she thinks Leah and I should talk. We always go visit my uncle Josh, and when I'm not getting my ass kicked by Sam, Emily makes us food and tries to convince Leah to come over but she never does.

And you know what else is weird? Billy Black keeps trying to have a "talk" with me. Jacob always comes to bug me to come talk to his dad about some Quileute gang shit. Sam is like...the leader but Jake is supposed to be but he's not. Anyway, Jake keeps saying they can have a vote and make Sam go away if a certain male Uley (even a half Uley), who is, oh right, _ME,_ joins them or some bull like that but I don't really care and I don't really get why I have to be a part of this.

There is a huge crash as the pan she had been filling with food slipped and crashed to the floor. "Fuck," she mutters which makes me wince. I try to not get in the way but sooner or later I'm gonna have to let her know I'm home otherwise she might think I'm a burglar later on tonight and try to kill me.

"Mom?" I step over a frying pan and freeze as she screams at me.

"Get away from me!" She whirls around, gripping a knife in her right hand.

"Mom!"

"Oh, Jasper. It's you. I thought it was..." She quickly drops the knife in the sink and wipes her hand on the apron she is wearing, smearing some brown stuff all over it. "I'm sorry, honey. Are you hungry? I'm making dinner."

"I um..." Do I lie? She doesn't give me a chance to think one up since she's already talking again.

"It's just with your Dad leaving I'm scared about money and making sure you've got enough food. You do have enough food, right? Is lunch at school okay?" I want to lie and say yes everything was dandy, but I can't. Between Bella, Esme and Tyler I always had a hot meal every night, _at someone else's house_. "Maybe...maybe you could eat at Esme's, I'm sure she loves feeding you."

"You could come too, Mom, she misses you."

"No...no not until I get back on the medication. I went to the free clinic today and Joyce said she'll try to find us a better medical plan." I get ballsy and walk all the way up to her and peek over her shoulder. She doesn't freak so I take this time to try to keep myself from not barfing at the _thing_ she is mixing together.

"Are you doing anything this weekend? I was thinking we could go down to the beach, visit Emily..." Emily is....I don't like thinking about The Reservation. Last time we went Sam almost broke my arm. That whole place just gives me the creeps.

"I was just gonna study with Bella. Esme and Carlisle adopted this new kid..."

She frowns, shaking her head, making these weird clucking sounds. "Your hair, Jasper!"

"What's wrong with it?" I instinctively pat it down, trying to make it seem not so fucked up.

"You need to get it cut," she says, just as she tugs hard on a stray curl.

"Ow, Mom!"

"It's too curly and it's all tangled." She takes my face in her hands and grins and I let her because she is acting like a normal Mom now. "Your Grandmother's hair was this color, but long and straight and soft. I was always jealous of it.."

"The girls' like it. Besides-"

"Have you been smoking?" I'm used to her changing subjects randomly but this one caught me off guard. So....last year I was a bit of a pot addicted jackass, with a little sprinkling of heroin on the side. It's a miracle I'm even a junior since I missed so much school getting high out in the woods with Tyler. My mom never really did anything about it and it was Carlisle who convinced them to let me stay in the same grade if I went to summer school and volunteered at the hospital under his supervision.

"What? No? I well...no...I mean...." She never notices anything important. I am not really sure why I even try anymore. "No."

"Oh that's good..." She opens the stove and the kitchen fills with smoke. I know the drill and grab the broom and fan at the smoke detector so it doesn't go off as she pulls some sort of misshaped hunk of meat out and drops it on the counter. The food fail is a lump of smoking black ashes. There is no way in hell I am eating that and that's for damn sure.

She dumps it in the garbage. "God damnit." I just stand there, slightly disturbed but pretty used to the whole experience. I never really think I am going to actually get anything edible when she says she's making 'dinner'. It always ends up being more like she's creating aborted Frankenstein chickens. She quickly grabs the Cocoa Pebbles (my favorite!) and pours me a bowl of cereal, giving me an apologetic pat on the back before she downs two of her pills and shuffles out of the kitchen. Of course, she leaves the mess. I'm not hungry so I pour the milk down the drain, kick off my shoes, get the mop from the front closet and start cleaning up.

Someone's gotta act like the adult around here.

**0 0 0**

The tension between Edward and I slowly disintegrated since on Saturday and Sunday he brought me over a huge hunk of Esme's lasagna and some poetry. Thankfully my mom kept her crazy at a reasonable level and we actually ended up being civil to each other. I even introduced him to the wonders of Tupac (2) and Eminem (3) and I can now say, ladies and gents, that Edward isn't such a pathetic dickhead after all since he actually likes them. He didn't mention James and only after Bella begged me during the ride to school (she drove safely too, by the way) to be nice to Edward I decided I would. Bella and Jess went to UW without us and wouldn't shut up about it all morning. So Ty and I decided to let Eddie listen to some slam poetry (4) I have on my iPod until the bell for class rang.

In Bio I sat in the back alone since Tyler was sitting with Ang because they are now dating for reals. Mrs. Amazing Boobs didn't want Bella and I to sit together because we, and I quote, "create mischief," and three people was apparently too many at a table. I spent the entire class daydreaming about Jessica and Mrs. AB washing Jess' car in bikinis...Speaking of Jessica, after Biology I followed her to the girls' locker room since she had been texting me messages all class about wanting to talk. Of course we just end up making out against her locker while all the other girls were in the gym playing volleyball.

"Jasper..." She stops kissing me, completely breathless, a tiny grin on her perfect lips.

I don't wanna break the kiss but she's leaning away from me and I know that this means - talking. Jasper no like talking. "Hmm?"

"Wanna go with me to Ty's halloween party? Like a date?" This is suspicious. Jessica and I always go together to these sorts of things so I don't get why she is even asking me.

"That's like a month from now. Tyler's parents might not even leave and then no party...." I lean in to kiss her again but she puts her hand on my face and pushes me away.

"So? That bitch Lauren has been going on and on about snagging you for the night when she knows that we've already decided to go together," her knee is right between my legs, putting some nice pressure on _that place_. My brain is officially mush. "Right?" Well of course I will agree.

"Only if....." I would insert some witty comment here but I can't think 'cause her breasts crushing against my chest. All intelligent thought (yes, sometimes I have intelligent thoughts) cease to exist. All I can think is Jessica is grinding against me and Lil Jazzy wants to come out to play, if you catch my drift. All my thoughts were jumbled - fishnets, school girl, bedroom, bed in the room, long legs, short skirts, Edward...Edward? WHAT?! Of course this interruption causes my stupid brain to decide to spit out the most retarded thing it could find.

"I really like you Jessica."

She narrows her eyes at me because the real Jasper would be kidding but I think I am serious (I think). Oh. Well. Shit. How many times had Jessica asked for us to be "official"? 97. How many times had I said no? 97. How many times had I done something anti-sex maniac and slightly romantic? ONE. God damnit! My face is on fire and I realize this is my chance to resume our make-out session. My other motto is: Get 'em while they're confused. Or is it...mount them while they're drunk? I can't remember.

"That's new," she murmured, pulling away again. Agh!

"I...I um...I don't know why I said that."

She nuzzles my neck and sighs. "I like this, Jasper." I am thinking maybe I like this too but I've never had a girlfriend before. Jasper doesn't do girlfriends. Unless they're someone else's girlfriend then I'll _do_ them (heh heh heh). Jessica and Jasper as a couple? I don't think so...Then every other girl is off limits and that ain't gonna work out. Not at all. She's grinning up at me as if I said we're going steady and I groan inwardly but know better not to say anything. After all, I don't wanna loose my best fuck buddy.

"You better get going before coach and the girls get back."

What! She couldn't leave me like this. Little....I mean.....Huge Jazzy needs Jessica's hand! I grab her ass so she can't move and grind against her hard as she moans into my mouth. When we hear voices she drags me to the back door and shoves me outside.

"See you at lunch."

The door slams in my face and I sigh, wondering how I'm gonna explain to my teacher that I wasn't doing anything bad during my thirty minute bathroom break. And I think I might have to pull an Edward and take care of _something_ in the woods.

I spent the rest of the day mentally beating myself upside my stupid ass head. I told Tyler and of course he thought it was hilarious and volunteered to be the best man at our wedding because now Jessica would never give up. If she thinks she has a chance she's like a leech. I tried avoiding her all day but classes just droned on forever and I got stuck sitting next to her in every one. When lunch rolls around we go to our usual table by the window that no one else sits at because it's _ours_. So unless they want to play peek-a-boo with my fist they steer clear. I sit near the middle with Edward and Tyler on either side of me with Angela as a new member of the dark side, next to Tyler and Bella and Jessica across from us. Jessica was staring at Edward grinning like a fool as if he is the fucking Messiah back from the dead and a few seats down from her are Mike and Eric, probably eavesdropping and planning my murder.

Angela is like a different person. She's wearing a skirt and makeup and her hand is in Tyler's lap doing who knows what, at the lunch table even! Tyler whispers in her ear every few minutes and she goes red and giggles. Aw the cute little love birds. Maybe dating isn't so bad.

Bella and I always share lunch. Or rather, she'll pack lunch for both of us and give me half. My mother always gives me five bucks every day but the cafeteria food sucks so I just slip it back into her wallet at the end of the week. She tosses me an apple (Bella hates apples) and a tuna sandwich and everyone groans as I start picking out the onions. I have a thing with food. I must pick out anything gross before I eat it, otherwise I can't eat. And onions are gross, don't try to argue with me about it because you will loose.

"What?" I can feel Edward smiling next to me and I am just about to target him with my rant about how gross onions are when he beat me to it.

"Jasper, you have hickeys all over your neck," Edward stated matter of factly, a lopsided grin on his face. My eyes widen, I'm horrified. Jessica put her hand over the mouth the same moment I put my hand over my neck. And we try to ignore everyone's snickers because obviously we were doing _something_ earlier.

"So....Edward," Jessica says slowly, diverting attention from me. I narrow my eyes. Sure, I am not dating her but every time she flirts with any semi-good looking bastard with a penis I get a tiny bit jealous. She leans against the table just enough so that her perfect breasts practically spill out of her shirt. It's like HD TV on a 68 inch flat screen but better. Oh yes, so much better. "Do you have a girlfriend.....back in Alaska?"

"No." He picks at the table. I can tell he is thinking about something. Oh God, what if he had a girlfriend and she died or something and now Jess has opened this huge ass can of worms. Whatever he says next will determine everything in the universe - I mean, Forks. "I'm gay, actually. So no _girl_friends."

I immediately start choking on the water Bella had given me. I love when Jessica gets rejected. She always picks the wrong guys. There had been Tyler in 7th grade, me in 8th - or since 8th, I should say, Mike in 9th and she had tried Emmett in 10th but Rose nearly ripped all the hair out of her head so that obviously didn't work out. And now she has set her sights on a gay guy. Seems as though poor Jess was stuck with casual sex and no commitment. She hates it but I mean, it's not that bad, that's how I roll.

Every single girl was going to have a cow. I kinda feel sorry for him now since basically Edward, and well...Edward make up the gay community in Forks.

"DE-_NIED_." Bella sang happily sticking her tongue out at Jessica. This was good news for me since after she gets rejected I'm the default fuck.

Through my giggles (yes, _giggles_) I manage to choke out: "Guess that means he'd rather date me than you, Jess, honey. So you can button up your shirt and stop throwing yourself at him." She growls at me and spears at her salad, pulling her cardigan closed over her overexposed cleavage. Which was kinda a bummer because I thoroughly enjoy ogling it.

Tyler decides to stop having a tongue match with Angela long enough to say, "Jasper, even I would rather date you over Jessica."

"Oh fuck off Tyler. Besides, Edward can do so much better than...." She looks me up and down. "Ugh! _That_." hey hey hey. That is not what she was saying like two hours ago _and_ last week when we were getting our freak on in Tyler's guest room during a Saturday night party.

Edward seems a little bit uncomfortable so I say, " you got a crush on anyone?" Bella gives Tyler this look and he hits me on the back of the head.

"What the fuck!"

"I couldn't reach," she says smartly.

Edward looks away and gives me a half shrug, suddenly very interested in the window.

"Oh you do!" Bella says, clapping her hands happily. If it was possible, Edward sinks deeper into his chair.

"I...I mean...well...I don't know. Kinda." He glances at each of us. "Fine, okay I do!" He says, exasperated, practically yelling. The entire room gets quiet and looks at us.

We laugh, the awkwardness immediately broken. He trades my tuna sandwich, which had way to many onions, for his ham one before I could even say anything. There is something weird about Edward. He just knows that even if I had picked all the tiny little onions out of that sandwich, I still couldn't eat it because the aftertaste would still linger. I don't know if I like this but I'm not going to deny free food so I start peeling off the crust. Yes, I am a picky eater. Do not judge me, bitch.

"Don't worry." I take a bite and kept talking with my mouth full. "Whenever you get the balls to ask him out we can go on a double date, ease the pressure, you know?"

"I'll keep that in mind. Though, I didn't know you dated, Whitlock." Last name. Ha. He was fitting in with us nicely.

"You're right. I'm more of a meet and fuck kind of guy but for you, Mr. Cullen, I am willing to make an exception."

"I'll hold you to that." He stands up and pushes in his chair (because he is a gentleman) and goes over to Mike and Eric who both stop talking and stare up at him confused. Oh no...oh no..._oh no_!

"Eric, would you like to go with me, Jasper and Jessica to a movie this weekend?" Edward puts on his super sweet 'Please Do What I Say' smile and leans really close to Eric whose face is bright red. The entire cafeteria is silent and staring at our table.

"I-I...Wha-? I m-mean...yes. Okay." What the fuckkgjsdgdg! Ohmy_GAWD_! Eric...isn't gay...is he? Mike's jaw hits the floor and he glares at me as if this was my idea! Edward grins and comes back to his seat next to me and Eric follows behind like a puppy, leaving Mike all alone at the end of the table and everyone buzzing about what just went down. All's fair in the war for supremacy at Fork's High, but I don't play dirty and stealing another commander's troops is just low, even for me.

"I think it worked." I totally forgot Eric was here. Actually, I can't remember ever hearing him talk before.

"What?"

"Asking me to the movies. I think it made Mike mad." Was Eric a double agent? This could be a trick! Nobody turns on their leader this fast. I will have to have a talk with Edward about this.

Edward is quiet for a few moments and leans in and whispers in his ear, loud enough for everyone in the whole goddamn school to hear, "That's...not why I asked you."

Eric practically melts in his seat and I feel like barfing. What's that I smell? Oh, bull_shit_. I roll my eyes and Jessica just grins at me, letting out an "awwww." She is too excited to care about the fact that 'Icky Eric,' as she calls him, is sitting within three feet of her. The words date and Jasper don't ever go together when I'm calling the shots. "I think we should see this new movie that's out. I heard it's about some vampire chick that falls in love with this human guy who turns out to be a wolf!" Eric, Edward and I all shrug.

"I wanna see that!" Bella's smile fades when no one responds. "I'm not invited, am I?" Edward smirks. He had made it very clear that it was the four of us, not the five of us. I should probably suspicious but now my mind is clouded with thoughts of the naughty things Jessica and I can do in a dark theater.

"Tyler, defend me!"

He shrugs, looks at Angela, and then shrugs again. "What? Sorry, Bella, we don't care, we already have plans."

"Ugh, I feel left out."

"What about Jaaacooooobbb?" I say, the exact same way she says his name whenever she talks about him which is all the fucking time. Bella throws a baby carrot at my face.

"Hey, Jizz. I mean, Jazz, shut the fuck up. Actually, you know what, you owe me a favor since you are ditching me for Jessica, _Jazzy._"

Oh snaps. Jazzy only means one thing: she wants something big. Money? A murder? Sex? Oh wait, having sex with Bella would be _her_ doing _me_....a favor.

"My dad has this new girlfriend...."

"Hold up....just...just a minute. Charlie convinced a girl to date him? By gunpoint, right? 'cause that's the only way..."

"Just shut up and listen!"

"He's been dating her for a few weeks now and he's bringing her over for dinner tonight and I really really really really don't want to be alone. Pleaseeeeee," she stuck out her bottom lip and ignores Jessica's glares. Oh lookie, someone is jealous. "Will you pleaaaaaaase come? I promise I wont hit you or kick you in the crotch or make you study, I swear."

"Lasagna?"

"You just ate that yesterday and the day before. Esme sent ov-" I am getting tired of him. He is like a pesky little fly that just won't fucking die.

I slap my hand over his mouth, "Shut up Edward! You've done enough damage today, thanks." I raise my eyebrows at Bella, awaiting her approval of my required bribe.

"Yes, I'll make lasagna."

"Okay. I'm in."

"Edward....Wanna come?"

Yeah, Eddie, wanna co- WAIT WHAT? HELL NO! I try to channel all my hate at Bella's face but she pretends she doesn't see me. Too much Edward. Do not like!

"Really? "

"The more the better. 'Sides, I think Jasper has a crush on you." I am not even paying attention because Jessica decides at this moment it's time for us to play footsie. Or more like 'lets see how long Jasper can hold it together with my foot in his crotch'.

"Okay, I'd like that."

I think Edward is looking at me but I'm too busy winking at Jessica 'cause that shorty definitely has me distracted. She is looking all innocent but I'm feeling something _down there_. She's really feisty today and then I realize it's not Jessica's foot....it's someone's _hand_. Then Jess actually stands up to go throw away her plate. But...something's...still touching me?

The hand is a guy hand and it's Edward's hand and my brain cannot process the fact that Edward has purposely put his hand in my lap. I try blinking a few times but it doesn't go away, in fact, it squeezes _it_. I cough in an attempt to cover a scream of horror and wiggle around in my seat. Bella looks at me like I'm retarded as he just grips me tighter. By this time I'm two seconds away from...well...you know. It's not Edward it was _Jessica_ before when we were making out and then her foot and then a hand is a hand really if you think about it. I just can't help it okay?

But as soon as Jessica comes back he slyly removes his hand leaving me hanging in that horrible limbo between euphoria and pain, grinning that stupid cocky half ass smile of his. He's picking at his lunch, which he hasn't touched, while I am freaking out over here. One: Edward is a guy that I slightly hate. Two: Why is Lil Jazzy acting the same way he does when Jessica is touching him? What's wrong with me? All I really know is that Edward Cullen is a major perv.

That fucker totally just _raped_ me with his hand. And I kinda liked it.

**0 0 0**

**A/N:** All you 450 people who looked at my story and did nothing review goddamnit!

Thanks for the people who put me on alert or reviewed, it's appreciated mucho.

Coming up: a _painfully_ mysterious woman, bromance and Mommie Dearest part two.


	4. The Lamp: Part One

_**I'm Jasper Whitlock: protector of Bella's heart, womanizer, bonified douchebag and a poet in my spare time. The only thing I can't seem to get a handle on is that creeper Edward Cullen. I think I might be in love with him and just the thought of it makes me want to shoot myself in the face.**_

**Rated M** for violence, strong and/or derogatory language, sexuality, religious and racial issues, and drug and domestic abuse.

**A/N:** Oh snaps. Guess what? This is in **Edward's** point of view.

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DIDYA?

=]

Thanks to my beta Toxic Valentine for putting up with my incomplete drafts and playful teasing. xD ILY.

**0 0 0**

So...I fucked up. Even now when I'm on my own, away from the 'gang' and the tension I created between Jasper and I, I feel self conscious. What the fuck was I thinking? I shouldn't have done it. I mean, isn't that maybe some sort of crime? Grabbing a guy's junk? Jasper probably hates me now and he probably thinks I'm a perverted freak. Since I didn't go to class last week, I am just now finding out that he's also in my history class, and even more surprisingly, in my honors calculus class. Of course he ignores me and of course I don't try and talk to him. No one but Jasper knows what I had done and yet I still feel extremely embarrassed

After school, we were all congregated around our cars - Bella's, Tyler's and mine - and before I could even open my mouth in an attempt to persuade him to come with me, Jasper had climbed into Bella's car and they were gone. I like Bella, she keeps Jasper grounded and is pushing him towards some sort of rational future, but I am not against making her suffer if he gets hurt because of her reckless driving. It's hypocritical of me to think something like that since I'm a maniac when I drive, but ever since I met him I can't help but get jealous of everyone he lets get close to him.

To be honest, I hated him the first time I saw him. I guess it was all that pent up frustration about the James situation, and how his family alienating him was just making it worse. It wasn't hard to recognize him - James has the same hair but longer, the same smile but more timid and the same "get on your nerves until you wanna fuck the living daylights out of him" kinda attitude. I wanted to break his neck and screw him at the same time as he doodled on his assignment next to me, my half tuning out of Bella's rambling barely working to keep me calm.

Fork's isn't exactly a large city and since Esme attempts to get Jasper to come over as much as possible by using food as bribes - so she won't have to resort to kidnapping - I knew there was a high chance that I would see him. So I carefully pieced together all the stuff James would tell me about him to create a rickety skeleton of Jasper's personality. A structure that was promptly destroyed when I first met him in Biology. He didn't know me and yet he was rude, annoying and so amazingly bold. It's sort of like loving a pen-pal you have never met - slowly you learn new things about them but it's never them telling you, its some piece of paper, something contrived, you can't see their face, you can't tell how they actually feel about something. I have never dated anyone, ever, and when I came back to Washington I was set on the job Carlisle had given me - make sure James was okay. I had told Jasper that James had been helping me when actually I had been helping him with some...difficult things.

I know James would use stories about Jasper to get me to come visit him more until they released him but I didn't mind being manipulated. I wanted to know how Jasper had broken Mike's nose in 5th grade defending Tyler and how awkward he looked at their 8th grade dance and how he hated onions and loved poetry and would call you out if you lied to him. James and I are a lot a like. He doesn't really have a family, he's trapped alone in a huge city and faces the same problems I do. He isn't really a murderer. The courts twisted everything around because it was easier that way, but in fact, it much more complicated than that. Jasper doesn't know. James wants to tell him himself but he couldn't come back to Forks now because he isn't ready.

I made Carlisle tell me things about when Jasper was little and I may have stolen his iPod for a night when I had dropped off Esme's leftovers. Learning more about him just confuses me more. Why does he have the Jonas Brothers on his playlist of favorite songs next to Eminem and Biggie? Why does he tuck his shoelaces in his shoes instead of tying them when they come undone? Why does he always wear that same faded sweatshirt every Thursday that's cloudy? Whenever I see the way he looks at Jessica, I know how Alice feels. That's one of the reasons Alice hates Jasper, I'm _his_ forever, not hers as was planned up until a few weeks ago. She saw Jasper and I together, so maybe if I'm just patient (and push things along just a tad) things will eventually work out.

I'm extremely grateful Carlisle let me come to live with him. Alaska was immensely boring, Seattle was stressful and I didn't have anywhere else to go. Unfortunately, as soon as I close the front door Alice is on me. I can always tell when she's trying to "convince me" that we are supposed to be together and that this Jasper thing was just a phase.

"I need to tell you something."

"Alice, not now, please. I have to get ready." I have to be careful around her. As much as I want to yell at her and tell her sternly that we can never be 'we' I'm afraid of what she would do. I don't think she is above hurting Jasper just to make me feel bad.

"It's about Jasper."

She was probably waiting to drop this bomb on me all day. Probably cackling evilly in her room while she assaulted a little voodoo version of Jazz with sewing needles and fire.

"Did you see something?"

"Yes and no. Just...just snippets."

"What did you see?"

If I hadn't have met James, if I hadn't had the same Bio class as Jasper, if this wasn't fate - Alice and I would be together now. She's been 'waiting' for me, as she says. Emmett had Rose and Alice was supposed to have me but we never figured Jasper into the picture. And now we had a mess of emotions and an impossibly insolvable equation that no matter how you twisted it ended up in Edward + Jasper and a negative Alice as an irrelevant variable. I try but I can't keep my face neutral. Usually I have two emotions, serious and angry. Jasper coaxed out the happy, even though he didn't realize it, and the nauseating worry that was now swirling around in my chest. Alice never tells us the good things. What if Jasper got hurt? What if Mike got revenge? I guess she could tell that I was less interested in the fact that she was helping me and more concerned about Jasper.

"I should have never told you. Forks would be better off with a dead Jasper Whitlock, anyway."

"...Wha-?" I can't read her like I normally can. I don't know if she's telling one of her twisted jokes or if I really would lose Jasper tonight. I shouldn't trust Alice - ever - but whenever something about Jasper comes up I must know what it is and when it will happen and who will be there.

"Alice." I hadn't even noticed Carlisle standing in the doorway and I am slightly annoyed that he is here since now I can't rip her head off. There are just two rules in the Cullen house - no fighting and no lying. I think Alice always breaks the last one and I constantly have to restrain myself to keep from breaking the first. It would feel so good to punch her in the face, but then again I'd get kicked out and I wouldn't be able to see Jasper anymore. "Tell us the vision."

"Fine. He's with his mom and then there's yelling or something. Then I saw him limping around outside, I don't know where. And then he's with Tyler and you and Carlisle...then that's it."

"That's it?"

"And it looked like someone beat his face in with a baseball bat. Will you still love him if he's not as prett-"

I almost have her by the neck before Carlisle yanks me back. Of course Alice is enjoying this because she knows something important that I don't. Something that I _need_ to know.

"Edward! Take a walk."

"No." I don't mean to snap at Carlisle but I can't help it. He tightens his grip on my arm and that just frustrates me more. "Tell me everything, Alice!"

"I forgot, Edward." She feigns a look of despair and rubs at her forehead. "I'm terribly sorry."

"You fucking bitch!"

I lunge at her but Carlisle stops me easily. I don't think I can control my anger anymore and he senses this.

"Edward, outside. Now."

The fury has burnt out already and I slump my shoulders. "I'm sorry Carlisle. I shouldn't have lost my temper....I'm going out." He nods and shoots a glare at Alice, one that reads 'you better believe we will be talking about this later, young lady.' "To see Jasper." I add, a tiny smile forming at the sight of Alice's seething glare.

**0 0 0**

As I am headed to Bella's house, _when when when_ keeps bouncing around my head, pinging against worry and fear. When was Alice's vision going to happen? Tonight or next year? Was Jasper going to get into some sort of fight? I'll feel better when I see him - that way I know he won't get hurt, not with me around. Bella takes forever to answer, and for a few short minutes I think I have the wrong house before the door swings open and she smiles at me.

"You look very nice, Edward."

I am barely paying attention since the nervous butterflies had been scared away and have been replaced with giant ass Goliath frogs who were spazzing out in my stomach.

"Thanks."

I follow her into the kitchen, attempting to be nonchalant. Jasper looks exactly the same way he did at school and yet I stare at him as if I hadn't seen him in years. He doesn't even say hi to me but I'm not surprised, I did fondle him earlier after all. The three of us fall into an easy rhythm. I cut the onions and tomatoes and Bella's making garlic bread. Jasper has made himself head chef and is doing the most important job - the lasagna. It's a comfortable silence, one that I wish I could have with Jasper when we're alone but it always ends in tension and anger.

Bella ruins everything with her stupid questions.

"Jasper?"

"What?"

"Why don't you ever dress up?" .

"Why? Did you want me to?"

I think he looks perfectly fine the way he is. In fact, I am sure he looks even better without clothing.

"My closet. In the back to the right." Jasper has that funny look on his face - the same one he had when our teacher had been attempting to explain limits and derivatives to us in class. I am naming it his 'what the fuck are you talking about' face. "Remember Homecoming last year? You stayed over? You were kinda drunk...." I can't imagine Jasper as a drunk. Does he still have the same wit or is he an even greater sex fiend? Before Bella so rudely interrupted the quiet I had been daydreaming about laying in bed, sipping wine and playing with his curls, our legs intertwined, skin against skin whispering poetry to each other....

Bella seems to be the only person who can tell Jasper what to do without an argument. And so he just goes upstairs to change without any comment whatsoever. We're alone now and Bella's humming is getting on my nerves and I'm upset Jasper's not here. The kitchen feels like an empty football stadium without him. I'm trying to cook the meat right but I can already tell its burning. It becomes a completely insignificant thing when Jasper comes back, all dressed up and extremely awkward with his hands shoved in his pockets, his shoulders hunched in an attempt to make himself look smaller. He looks beautiful. The shirt is a deep blue and makes his eyes seem more brilliant and his hair more wild.

The doorbell rings and no one moves for the longest time. Maybe because it's Bella's house so logically she should have gotten it.

"Jasper, can you get it?"

"Okay," he shrugs, leaving the kitchen. I hear the door open a few seconds later and the voice of Charlie's guest nearly makes me want to run to the door and slam it in her face.

"Hi, I'm Jane. Charlie didn't tell me he had a son."

I drop the spoon and peek around the corner into the foyer. Bella is doing the same thing so she doesn't think it's weird. Jane Volturi. The Cullens and the Volturi have never gotten along since way way way back and now one of them is in Forks? What does this mean? Why is she dating the dad of Jasper's best friend? I can't help but think these two things are connected since Carlise and Esme haven't been very discreet about Jasper being the son they never had. Esme can't have kids so they adopt but there's just something about their relationship with Jasper that's different. They were there when he was born and I think they're around for him more than his own parents. I'm hoping Jane isn't planning something stupid, though I wouldn't be surprised. She and her brothers, Aro, Marcus and Caius are calculating and twisted. Somehow I was going to have to figure out how to make her leave, without breaking Charlie's heart. Bella glances at me and mouths 'wow', I nod in agreement but definitely not for the same reasons.

"Oh, he doesn't. I'm Bella's friend, Jasper." I can't help but smile. What a contrast - here Jasper was polite but as school he was a complete jerk. "Her best friend. I invited myself, can't live without her lasagna." Right at that moment Charlie comes bounding down the stairs. He is all dressed up and looks extremely nervous. If Jane wasn't a conniving bitch then I would say this was kind of romantic.

"Hi honey," Charlie says loudly. He wants Bella to come out and introduce herself but that was not going to happen any time soon, by the looks of it, at least not voluntarily. We sneak back into the kitchen and Jasper follows along, holding his stomach and gagging.

Bella throws an oven mitt at him for his shenanigans as she opens the pantry. "Fuck!"

If only she knew how much I had been thinking about that word all night.

"What's the matter?" Jasper already has flour on his pants and cheese in his hair and he has only been back in the kitchen for five minutes. From where I am standing I can see the empty package she is holding. How should I break the news to him?

"No pasta."

Right, that was extremely comforting. I should be a grief counselor, don't you think?

"No...pasta...?" His head is tilted to the side and he scrunches up his nose when he realizes the implication of the missing ingrediants. "No lasagna?" I don't really know what I expect. For him to be disappointed maybe? I am fully willing to drive however far to get a box of pasta if that would make Jasper happy. Hell, I'd fly to Italy and get him something genuine. But he just surprises me, again.

"I can make some." He ignores our dumbfounded looks as he pulls out the flour, salt, eggs and some other stuff I don't recognize.

"Since when do you know how to make pasta?" Bella obviously has no faith in him. I, on the other hand, completely believe that he knows what he is doing. He rolls up his sleeves, cleans the counter and then carefully measures out some flour and makes a little mountain.

"Since always."

He's adding eggs in a well he's made in the flour and that's when Charlie calls Bella in to the living room. The moment of truth has come. I am hoping Bella hates Jane. I'm hoping she can sense the evil rolling off of her and makes Charlie dump her. The rest of my brain is preoccupied with the way Jasper's muscles flex as he kneads the dough and wondering if his ass would do that if he's und-...cough...anyway. I almost feel like crying because he's straight and yet we're so intertwined he just doesn't know it yet. It's quiet again and I want to hear his voice so I try to sound hip and say. "That's kinda cool."

"Don't talk to me."

"Why? What's wrong?" Today is a day of firsts. The first time I've been in Bella's house, the first time I have been alone with Jasper and the first time I can touch him without hiding it. I rest my chin on his shoulder and graze his neck with my nose as I wrap my arms around his waist, breathing in slowly and he stiffens but he doesn't hit me like I thought he would. There is a short moment where I feel completely content - his hair against my neck, his nervous breathing, the gentle curve of his backside pressing against me. I know the fact that I can't hold myself back until Jasper is ready is why Carlisle doesn't like that I'm around him so much but I can't help it and kiss him gently on the neck.

He does the exact opposite of what I expect - which is send a flying fist at my face - and leans back into me and closes his eyes. I am stunned, but only for a few moments, since I realize this is my chance. I kiss him on the neck again, pausing to see if this is some sort of trick. It doesn't seem to be since he's pressing against me, his hands over mine - practically giving me permission....I gain more courage and let one of my hands slide up his shirt, a little more eager in my kisses and slightly annoyed that I'm standing behind him so his mouth is out of reach. Bella can come back any minute but I really don't give a fuck. _Slow and steady, Edward_....but that is an impossible task to fulfill. I'm trying to figure out how to get him to turn around so I can make out with him when all rationality escapes and I moan into his neck. I'm pretty sure the next step would be me banging him against the counter and I think he realizes this as well.

"What are we....you-?" His eyes fly open and he nearly jumps onto the stove to get away from me. "S-Stop it." I realize the moment is over but it had been so fucking amazing. I am momentarily flabbergasted - had Jasper just let me do all of that to him...?

"Uh...." He's now ten feet away from me on the other side of the kitchen, rubbing at his neck and glaring at me. "Okay, I'm sorry. I won't touch you anymore. I can't help it." He's waiting for me to explain and it just makes me feel even more self-conscious. I'm still insanely giddy about the whole situation so I have no clue what to say. "You don't look like such a jackass tonight..."

He snorts and ignores me as he starts back on the pasta but by now his entire face is beet red. I don't want to go back to the way we were before so I try to pretend that the most amazing moment of my life had not just happened a few seconds ago.

"Can I try?" He's doing something with a pasta machine we happened to find in one of the cabinets and it looks easy enough.

"Fine. But don't mess it up." He's already halfway through with a length of dough and just hands it to me. I turn the handle once and glance over to him. He nods and I keep going but its too fast. "I'm serious, Edward! Don't mess it up!" He grabs my hand and tries to regulate my pace but of course I obviously am no longer paying attention to the pasta, not while the heat of Jasper's hand is on mine. "No, go slower. Yeah...no. Here you layer it and I'll do this." We finish the pan of lasagna and stick it in the oven. The kitchen is still fairly clean but we start wiping the counters down anyway - or well, Jasper does and I just watch since I promised I would keep my distance.

"So when should I pick you up for the movie on Friday?"

"You mean, when should Jessica and I meet you and your _date_ at the movies?"

I cringe. I'm not sure why I asked Eric. Actually, I am really not sure why he said yes since I know for a fact he isn't gay....but he did and now I am trapped in this stupid situation. But asking Jasper wasn't an option, not after he had just made out with Jessica and did who knows what else. The whole point of this "double" date was for it to end up with just Jasper and I alone. Convincing Eric not to come would be easy, I think. It was Jessica who would be the difficult one. Hopefully I won't have to resort to poisoning her....

"It doesn't make sense to go in two cars." I put on my serious face. He narrows his eyes at me, weighs his options and eventually concedes because _obviously_ I am right.

"I don't know. Five?"

"It's a date."

"It's two separate dates."

Bella returns a little while later, piles a bunch of plates and silverware in my arms and commands me to set the table. At first dinner is awkward. Charlie and Jane both look like they'd rather be upstairs fucking than entertaining three teenagers and we all look like we'd rather be dead than think about them fucking. I know Jane recognizes me but I pretend I don't know her. Jasper practically inhales his food and half of my plate as well. I want to leave and try my luck with Jasper again but Charlie and Jane insist on sitting at the table and talking to us like we care about how they met.

"I'm from Italy, actually. I just moved to Forks a few months ago. That's how I met your Dad. I was driving a little....fast."

Charlie chuckles and cups her hand in his. "You mean eighty miles an hour in a school zone?"

"Anyways, I convinced him to go to dinner instead of hauling me to jail and he said yes."

"And then she started talking about baseball. That's when I fell in love." I think Charlie is actually blushing. Jasper is smirking down at his empty plate and as soon as he looks up we both start grinning. It was sort of cliche and ridiculous, but it was still kinda sweet - kinda. I already can tell what Jasper is thinking - _bullshit_.

**0 0 0**

I am not sure how I did it. Maybe it was Bella's command or the fact that the temperature had dropped and it was pouring outside that convinced him to let me give him a ride home. That and the threat of his tupperware full of lasagna being ruined by the rain. I like to think it was my charm but I'm not that much of a disillusioned love-sick puppy.

So I know he's afraid of cars. But from what I have gathered its nothing rational - he's never been in a car accident, no one he knows has ever been in a car accident...its about control. He can't do a damn thing if I decide to slam on the gas. But I also know that he secretly likes taking his mom's car down to the Reservation on an abandoned road and just flooring it. The speed, the control slipping away excites him then, so why is he so frightened now? I do not know why but I decided to test his limits.

Right now my car is hurtling through the outskirts of his neighborhood.

"S-slow down." He has slid down in the seat and is clutching the handle near the window.

"What?"

"Edward!"

"I can't hear you....are you saying something, Jasper?"

It only took me five minutes to get in front of his house and he let out a noticeably loud sigh of relief when the car was stopped. I had been going 120 mph at one point. Maybe I overdid it. Just a little.

"You're a fucking asshole." I know now is not the time, but if you changed the order of those words...

"I wouldn't hurt you." Even though I am an amazing driver we could have been wrapped around a telephone pole by now. Maybe Jasper was slightly correct. "On purpose. Besides, you have to admit that was fun."

"Gee, Edward. Speeding down the road at a hundred miles an hour was really swell. Will throwing up in your car convince you that I had an awesome time?" The real Jasper was back already. He sure does bounce back fast after being terrified. I am feeling a sense of déjà vu when he had leans forward, one hand on my thigh the other on my shoulder, so close our foreheads were almost touching. All I can think about is the kitchen and how I really really wanted an encore performance.

"We should do this again but next time let's crash into a tree. I'm sure burning alive would be a better rush."

I can't speak and that's when he realizes he is close to me and immediately moves back to the passenger seat.

"Maybe you should come over." As soon as the words come out of my mouth I realize how stupid that sounds.

"What?" I think he thinks that I am joking around until he tries to open the door. "Edward unlock the door!"

I keep my finger on the button to lock and wrack my brain for a good excuse. All that comes out is lameness.

"I don't think you should go home right now..."

"Unlock the fucking door! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Jasper, listen to me. You don't want to go home right now. You're mom-"

"What do you know about my mom! You haven't even met her!" He tries to crawl over me but it's too easy to just shove him away. I realize now that I should have just driven us back to my house. Carlisle had told me he was stubborn and since I am being so vague I don't blame him for thinking I'm nuts.

"Alice had a vision that something bad was goin-"

"I can't believe you listen to that psycho! If something bad," Is now a bad time to think that he looks insanely attractive when he is pissed off? "Was going to happen to me then it'll be _Alice_ doing it. Now let me out before I call the cops."

I lean in really close and he squeezes himself against the door, yanking on the handle angrily. I forgot all about the button and as soon as I move my hand the door unlocks right as he opens it and he nearly topples backwards out of the car before I catch him. Jesus did Alice's vision almost come true? Would I have been the one who had hurt him?

"See you in a few hours," I whisper, still clutching the front of his shirt even though he doesn't need my support anymore. We're just staring at each other and I can smell his shampoo and see every little fleck of color in his eyes. I nearly kiss him then I realize he is shaking and freaking out. Carlisle had said to go slow and not push him because he'd push back - once he got over the shock - and push back _hard_. I nudge him and he gets out, staring at me with a mixture of horror and confusion.

I hear him yelling at me as I start the car and pull away: "Don't you mean tomorrow?"

**0 0 0**

I'm surprised I haven't paced a path into the floor by now. Since I have been home I've been freaking out about Alice's vision, to her intense dislike. It's only been an hour and a half, and so far no one has called Carlisle, as he had predicted. He had taken my car keys as soon as I had stepped inside so my only other way of getting to Jasper would be to run if I got desperate.

"Why can't we just go now?"

Carlisle sighs in annoyance since this is probably the hundredth time I have asked.

"We need to wait for Thomas to call us. This wouldn't be the first time Alice has exaggerated." We both look at her and she shrugs. I think she knows what's happening, right now, and I think she'd have no problem prolonging whatever it was Jasper was going through my keeping me here.

Carlisle's phone starts ringing and that's when I bolt to the car, grabbing his medical bag from the table in the foyer on my way. I'm antsy. I fiddle with the radio and I adjust my seat. I dig through his bag, get bored, then rifle through the glove compartment. It takes him forever to get to the car and he looks more tense than usual. My mind is reeling from the expression on his face.

"Is he okay? He isn't...." I am already prepared to go upstairs and kill Alice if Jasper was...if he...

"It's worse than I thought but I think we can handle this without the hospital."

"What....worse than you thought how?"

"Alice's comment about the baseball bat....wasn't a lie."

"I have to check on Charlotte. I want you to stay at Tyler's house, keep him awake after I look him over. If anything changes after I leave call me. Immediately." I frown at my lap and give a half shrug in acknowledgment. Why does Carlisle need to see Jasper's mom? How did he get to Tyler's house? _What is happening?_ "You remember when I taught you about head injuries when you volunteered at the hospital?" Head injury? What the _fuck_ has happened? Please let my Jasper be okay... "Edward are you listening to me?"

"I-I..."

"Edward."

"I understand, Carlisle." It's hard to talk past the fear clogging my throat but I manage to reassure him I wasn't going to break down. The rest of the car ride is in silence. I don't even put on classical music like I usually do. I don't think anything could calm my nerves now, not even Vivaldi.

Tyler's house is amazing. It's almost as big as ours, which would be surprising to most people if you take into account the shitty van he drives. I mean, his house is beautiful if you can ignore the police car out front, the slightly ajar front door and the smeared blood on the porch banister.

When we get inside Tyler's dad leads us to the living room where Jasper is curled up on the couch. His face is red and bloody and his right eye is practically useless and swollen shut. Next to the couch on the floor there are bloodstained towels floating in a bowl of murky water. I can't imagine him looking any worse but apparently this is him cleaned up. He doesn't move when Carlisle touches his shoulder. In fact he doesn't even do anything when he prods his scalp, his neck, the worst looking bruises on his face. Carlisle makes him sit up and count to ten, follow his finger and walk around for a little while - the entire time he is silent.

Carlisle says he'll go with Paige, Tyler's mom, to Jasper's house because maybe his mom would respond better to a woman, taking in light what happened to her. I hadn't noticed it before but Tyler's dad had slipped into the kitchen to talk on the phone, talking some lawyer jargon about child abuse. It's silent when they leave, except for Jasper's breathing. I'm still clutching Carlisle's bag to my chest and slowly lower myself to the floor next to the couch, trying to ignore Tyler's staring. Jasper's one good eye is screwed shut and every-time he takes a breath I am terrified he'll never exhale.

"Can I talk to Jasper alone, please?"

"No." Tyler's hostility surprises me but I don't attempt to fight it. "We barely know you and now you're here in the middle of the night?"

Tyler is Jasper's protector, though much more subtle at it than Jasper is with Bella. I am slowly starting to understand how their relationships work. They protect each other, no matter what, and people like me who tried to infiltrate where immediately thought of as threats.

I graze my fingertips on the least damaged part of his skin. He grabs my hand and hugs it to his chest. I feel guilty for saying it but I still do anyway: "I told you..."

"Go away." He can't mean it since he won't let my hand go for the longest time. "Why did you even come? to prove that you were right?" His words are all muffled and barely audible.

I lean in so Tyler cant hear me and whisper as quietly as I can. "No. No...no of course not. I'm so sorry I couldn't do better Jasper. I promise next time I'll be there, next time I'll stop it. You'll never get hurt again, I swear." Jasper doesn't say anything but he seems pacified.

"Ty may I speak to you for a second?"

Tyler glances at Jasper and then at me then back at Jasper before sighing and digging in his pocket. He hand's Jasper his iPod and a few seconds later Jasper puts on the headphones and turns on his music so loud that I can hear every lyric. We just sit for a few seconds, watching his face to see if he can hear us, before Ty breaks the ice.

"What is it?" Tyler immediately starts hounding me before I can even think up what I want to tell him. "Why are you here? If this is like some sort of medical lesson for you, that's really fucked up."

I take a deep breath. How do I compress a year of complex feelings all leading up to a random day in Biology in a few sentences?

"I knew James, in Seattle." I raise my hand to keep him from talking. "He....I was part of this program...I mean I worked at this place that helps people like him, you know, with anger issues. And he would tell me about Jasper all the time and...and before I even came here I felt like I knew him and I wanted to know more about him and...and I think...I don't know...."

He is silent so I kept on rambling.

"And in Bio he was such a jackass to me and I was so mad he wouldn't talk to his brother or even write him or anything and I think....I think that's when I knew l was in love with him."

"...What?" His eyes are wide. "Does Jasper know this?"

I shake my head.

"Edward, he's not..."

"I know, I know. But I haven't been exactly subtle in...how I feel."

"So he knows?"

"No. Well...I don't know. At lunch I kinda did something. And he didn't respond like a straight guy would when umm....I uh....did something at Bella's house."

"This explains a lot," he sighs. "Jasper doesn't really date girls. I mean...he has sex but I don't know. He'd never admit something like that. His dad isn't...that's kinda one of the reasons Jasper can't talk to James..because he's....you know..." Woah. James is gay? How could I have missed this? "Some people thought he hurt those girls to prove he wasn't gay."

"You can't tell anyone."

"I wont." I think I see a tiny semblance of a smile. "I swear, Edward. we'll keep it between bros. I just think maybe you should give him some time. Back off if that isn't how he is, you know? And if he is...gay...don't rush things and hurt him. Or I'll cut off your dick and shove it down your throat."

I try not to smile but I can't help it. Well, I don't think Tyler thinks I'm a weird creeper anymore.

The music isn't on anymore and I think that Jasper is sleeping and I nearly panic because Carlisle told him to stay awake. But then he whispers, his voice hoarse with his eyes still closed.

"Ty can I use your phone?" Without thinking I slip my phone out of my pocket and press it into his hand. If I could I would suffer this pain he is experiencing a thousand times over if that meant he wasn't hurting.

"Daddy?" My heart feels like someone has just dropped it onto a trash compactor hearing his voice crack and the desperation.

"Yes. No. She hit me. I'm at Ty's house." A pause. "She thought she was in La Push or something and she didn't know who I was."

"Can you come home?" From the sound of his voice he knew the answer was no and I think before his dad could respond he just started to cry. Tyler is frozen on the other side of the room. He doesn't know what to do, I don't know what to do. My bet is Jasper has never cried in front of anyone before.

"Jasper...." I don't care if Tyler is watching anymore. I get on the couch and pull him into my lap, gently rubbing circles on his back. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and Tyler takes the phone from him and puts it in Carlisle's bag. "I'm so sorry, Jasper."

"Are you leaving?"

"No." I stroke the back of his neck until he relaxes and his sobs turn to sniffles. "Of course not, my angel."

It's another thirty minutes before Carlisle comes back with Ty's mom. By this time he's curled up again and struggling to stay awake and for the past ten minutes he's been staring at the ceiling. When the front door opens he speaks for the first time since his breakdown earlier.

"Is my mom okay?"

I can't believe he's been worrying about that bitch this entire time. I know why she's like the way she is and I feel guilty about it but she's gone too far this time.

"She...she wasn't there. Charlie is out looking for her. How was the house when you got home?"

"What do you mean?"

"When we got there the front door was open and it was trashed." Jasper blinks and doesn't respond. I guess Carlisle realizes it's time to change the subject. "I have some of his clothes in the car. And some books and some of your notebooks, Jasper." Carlisle pulls something small out of his pocket - Jasper's iPod. "I thought you might want this." His music. His poems. His everything. He hugs the iPod to his chest and closes his eyes again. The adults aren't really paying attention to us anymore so I take the moment to run my fingers through his hair. He snuggles closer to me and I can barely quench the urge to crawl on the couch with him and hold him until he falls asleep. Carlisle is planning something, I can feel it. This does give a judge a reason to take Jasper away from her. It's horrible but maybe Esme will finally get the son she wanted...

"Tom, did you find a place?"

"No. They all asked too many questions. Wanted to know the cause, you know, and the stressor. I'll ask around the office tomorrow someone is bound to know a good care facility that could help her."

Jasper shudders underneath my hand and I gently stroke his neck. I agree with the decision to put her away somewhere but that just may be my anger talking. Jasper needs his mom. Who is he gonna live with if his dad is gone all the time? Carlisle takes his bag from me and puts on his coat. "Charlie'll call if he finds her." The only loose end left is Jasper. "If its a problem he can always come home with me."

"No it's no problem." Tyler's dad glances at Jasper and then to me. Maybe he can read the _please please please let Jasper stay with me_ in my eyes. "But maybe it would be best if he stayed with a doctor."

We're all watching Jasper but he doesn't say anything, he just keeps his eyes closed and clutches his iPod to his chest. I'm holding my breath. I want Jasper to come home with us so _I_ can take care of him but maybe he wants to stay with Tyler. Then there's Alice....

I start to speak when Tyler cuts me off.

"I think he should go with Edward, dad. He _is_ Jasper's boyfriend."

Everyone is staring at me now and if Tyler wasn't one of Jasper's best friends, I would have already punched him in the face. What the fuck happened to keeping it between us, _bro_?

**0 0 0**

Whooo if you want more Edward then tell me....maybe in review form? eh eh -nudge nudge-

Coming Up: The Lamp Part Deux + da aftermath - Jasper's POV.


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